A brief disclaimer: Pregnant women know that they are extremely blessed to be able to carry a child. But they are also riddled with hormones, and prone to be quite sensitive about their condition, especially if they have gone over their due date. Do not assume you can say just anything to these ladies; even if they are good-natured about it, you may be saying something very hurtful without realizing it.
Things not to say:
1. Are you still here?
This is the one that stops me going to church in the weeks before the baby arrives. I know that people mean well, but it drives me crazy. Should I not be out in public? Is it okay that I carry my babies longer than other women do?
2. Have you had that baby yet?
Actually, this is worse to say to a woman who has already had the baby, but it's still very irritating to a pregnant lady. Take a quick scan of the room, see if she or a family member is holding a tiny newborn, and then choose something else to say.
3. You are gigantic!
Pregnant women are still women, and I don't know of any woman who enjoys being told she is large.
4. Are you sure they didn't miss a twin?
I've been guilty of this one (sorry, Sarah), but in my defense, it was before I knew what it was like to be pregnant and overdue. It's another way of saying a woman is huge. See #3.
5. Let me tell you about my own horrific birth experience.
I know most women (and some men) process events by talking about them, but maybe try to save this one for after the baby's born. Why would you want to scare a mom-to-be, especially one expecting her firstborn? If she asks you for details of your experience, that's different. Even then, try to be kind. She'll know what it's like soon enough.
Basically, that's it. Odds are, you've probably said one of these five things to a pregnant woman. I know I have. Don't be sorry, be better.
What to say instead:
1. You look great!
Everyone loves being told this, and even more so if you can be specific. Pregnant ladies often have glossy hair, shiny nails, gorgeous skin and/or a healthy glow about them. Pick one of those to compliment them on.
Rough day, Becky?
ReplyDeleteI'm also guilty. I sometimes relate my slightly traumatic story to pregnant women. But mostly because I don't want them to be caught so incredibly off-guard by a c-section. I hadn't even read those chapters in my prenatal book. It wasn't until someone mentioned my story as "terrifying" after they had their baby that I thought - "hmm. Perhaps fewer details is better".
I didn't mind being told I was huge...maybe I'm weird. I hope you and baby cashew are doing well. We're all excited to meet your little person, but I can understand why he/she doesn't want to come out just yet - I expect you would be a very comfortable place to live. :)
ReplyDeleteAww Becky it sounds like you had a rough day :(
ReplyDeleteOh Becky, i always love your blog, and today it made Dave and I laugh out loud and nod our heads in agreement. I totally skipped church the last 2 weeks before Micah was born because I was pretty sure I would punch the next person who said "wow you're still pregnant?!" love you and praying for you and for little Cashew, you make great people, can't wait to meet this one!
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